crazy auctions bring out the best in people
by anime poison
Summary: Okay this is something random and funny I came up with while thinking of evil conspiracies with my friend. We pondered what it would be like if we held an auction where we sold our favorite anime crushes not for sex, money or drugs...but for random stuff.


**Okay this is something random and funny I came up with while thinking of evil conspiracies with my friend. We pondered what it would be like if we held an auction where we sold our favorite anime crushes not for sex, money or drugs...but for random stuff...like pockey!!! I do not own the characters from Inuyasha so i give them total credit. Beware this oneshot is filled with alot of randomness so dont be scared lol. Hope you all enjoy!!! **

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Crazy auctions bring out the best in people**

**Or do they?**

Today was going to be a very interesting day, not that you would care anyway. Why should you? I'll give you one reason why! Today is an auction! But it's not any ordinary auction let me tell you so you are not fooled in any way possible. Otherwise you probably would turn away from me now not knowing what's going on!

Well like I was saying, today is the day for the greatest auction of your life! Why is that? Let me tell you, how many chances in a life time to you get to own your very own anime celebrity? Not that many huh. So attention all fangirls and fanboys today is the day where your fantasies will yet come true! Pay close attention now by precious and maybe today you will leave with that certain anime crush of yours. This auction is brought to you by your fellow hosts, Anime Poison and Krazyhobbitlass.

In a very crowded auditorium located within the area of Acen, the anime convention, thousands of anime loving nerds and freaks have gathered. Techno music blasted through the auditorium as thousands of fans cheered for their favorite guest speakers and 'auctioneers', to come out onto the stage.

"Yes good day to all of you, it's so nice to see you all again.' Anime Poison shouted out happily while running out onto the stage. "And here with me is my very good friend Krazyhobbitlass! I hope you all remember her! She is not that hard to forget."

"Why thank you Anime Poison and yes it is such an honor to be back at Acen for yet another glorious year." Krazyhobbitlass smirked. "There is so much to do, with only so little time, how can we survive when the convention is over this year? I'll tell you! Anime Poison and I have devised of a plan to help you all survive. We shall be holding an auction! Now boys and girls this is no ordinary auction from which valuable antiques or items are sold."

"No, this auction will be far different. Now is the time where we welcome you to our pet shop, this year we intend to bid off your favorite anime crushes! Now who do we have for sale this year, Krazyhobbitlass?" Anime Poison asked while talking into the microphone.

"Well this year, Anime Poison, we have the most bad ass and sexiest anime crushes to ever walk the planet!" Krazzyhobbitlass cheered. "Why look here they are now."

"Everyone please give a warm welcome to the warm and yet Fluffy-Sama, Lord of the Western Lands and standing right next to him is the sexy and irresistible Kouga!" Anime Poison cheered.

Kouga and Sesshomaru looked like a couple of deer caught in the headlights of a car. They slowly turned their heads and looked towards the audience. It was packed. Why? And for what purpose where they even here? Alas they did not know what cruel fate they were being yet subjected to.

"This Sesshomaru would like to know what evil conspiracy this is you two are thinking of!" he growled. "This Sesshomaru shall get to the bottom of this and dominate this entire crowd!"

"Now Fluffy-Sama lets not get hasty here and besides you would not be able to dominate or rule this crowd, they would most likely want to rule you!" Anime Poison smiled.

"What?!" Sesshomaru nearly exploded. "This Sesshomaru has never heard such a thing!"

"Ha, ha sucks to be you." Kouga smirked.

"The same goes for you two Kouga, there are thousands of fangirls out there that would love to own someone sexy as yourself." Krazyhobbitlass smirked.

"Krazyhobbitlass he's for the customers, remember Kouga is for auction purposes only." Anime Poison said.

"I know…but I cannot help myself." Krazyhobbitlass whined. "He's so delicious."

"Why did I even bother showing up to this crazy event?" Kouga said shaking his head back and forth with his hand pressed up against it.

"For the Yaoi?" Krazyhobbitlass smirked.

"No Krazyhobbitlass, not everyone comes to Acen to buy Yaoi like you." Anime Poison said while rolling her eyes.

"Hey that is not true; I come here for far more things than that." Krazyhobbitlass replied.

"Yeah right all I ever hear escaping from your lips is Yaoi this or Yaoi that." Anime Poison said.

"Hey I'm not the one who organized the, "Chibi Yaoi Supporters Club, now am I?" Krazyhobbitlass shot back.

"Maybe we still have a chance to escape." Kouga whispered into Sesshomaru's ear, who nodded his head in agreement.

As they turned to leave, Anime Poison and Krazyhobbitlass called out to them.

"Hey don't leave yet the real fun is just about to start! Let the auction begin!" Anime Poison called out.

"Auction? You never said about any auction to this Sesshomaru!" he growled. "This Sesshomaru shall not be sold like some piece of property."

"Do I hear one box of pockey? How about five boxes, no ten boxes? Come on people I can go all day. Fifteen boxes all right then, oh fifty boxes of pockey, how about we through in a box of doughnuts and call it even!" Anime Poison yelled.

"What?! You are bidding this Sesshomaru off for nothing but worthless possessions? Does this Sesshomaru mean nothing to you?" He spoke angrily in his cold monotone voice.

"I guess not." Kouga smirked.

"Then why aren't you being sold off!" Sesshomaru growled.

"I'm saving him later for myself." Krazyhobbitlass smirked as she moved closer to Kouga while running off chasing after him off the stage. "Come back my love, I must smack you with my Yaoi paddle!"

"Help me…" he yelled.

"I didn't mean it Fluffy-Sama." Anime Poison spoke. "Maybe we were wrong, it's not right to auction off you favorite anime crush…I'm sorry!"

"Call this Sesshomaru Fluffy-Sama one more time and you will face severe consequences, resulting in punishment." Sesshomaru growled.

"Do all consequences have to result in bad punishment…or can that punishment be rather enjoyable?" Anime Poison smirked.

Sesshomaru was loosing his patience and before he could strike at the dim-witted girl that stood before him, he decided it was best if he just simply walked away.

"So I guess our little auction is over, sorry folks but the auction is now closed since we are being deprived of Fluffy-Sama. What to do, wow we still have ten more minutes. What to do. I know! I will sing." Anime Poison announced happily as she started to sing for the crowd in front of her while dancing around in little circles.

That was until Lord Sesshomaru appeared back and grabbed Anime Poison by the arm while dragging her off the stage with him.

"Thou shall I not let you torture this crowd!" He yelled.

"Good bye everyone and until next year, now I must go and tend to Fluffy-Sama! Good night to all and remember this anime crushes are not to be sold or make any profit from!!" Anime Poison yelled.

Off the stage Sesshomaru stood right front of Anime Poison and began to scold her like a little child, only Anime Poison found it slightly amusing.

"This Sesshomaru thought he's told you not to address him as Fluffy-Sama and hasn't this Sesshomaru told you if you do address him by that you will face severe punishment?" he spoke rather coldly.

"I guess it slipped my mind." Anime Poison smirked.

"Well, let this Sesshomaru remind you." He spoke as he rushed off to the Hyatt hotel with Anime Poison at his side. hotel.

"Leave me be! Oh how I wish I could put up with Inuyasha that mutt face instead of her!" Kouga yelled as he ran past the convention center with Krazyhobbitlass on his tail.

"Come back Kouga, I want to smack you with my Yaoi paddle!" she yelled.


End file.
